Life Left to Go
by SheWritesInCursive
Summary: Kate's worked hard to put the past behind her, but can her older brother accept that or will he push her to breaking point?
1. Chapter 1

Heya. So, I know I should be writing the next chapter of _9, 10, Start Again _but I needed to write something different, so I started this. It's pretty much my theory on Kate's past. Thanks for reading! I hope you like it.

There's a little swearing in it and it will get darker in further chapters. Just a warning.

**Life Left to Go**

**Chapter 1**

Shaun Dawset sat opposite Kate McGregor, watching her fiddle with the clasp on her bag. She had said nothing yet, save the mandatory greetings when she had first arrived five minutes ago. He wished she would talk – would at least look at him, but to his disappointment, she did neither.

"Dad's sick." He blurted out suddenly, causing her to duck her head even more so that her hair cascaded over her shoulders and hid her eyes.

"Your dad or my dad?" She asked coolly, though through the curtain of blonde he saw her flinch.

"Our step-dad, Phil. The only father we've ever known. Samuel never was much of a father to us."

"He was to me." She growled, and Shaun flinched at his sister's tone. He had never heard her sound like that. So angry, so full of hatred. It was scary. She wasn't the same little girl he had grown up with, nor was he the same little boy. They had both grown up, gone their own separate ways. And now he had no idea who she was anymore.

/\\/\

"So who's the guy she's with?" 2Dads asked Bomber, not taking his eyes of his XO across the bar.

Bomber gave a glance up at X, who was talking to a man she'd never seen before. There didn't seem to be anything interesting about the interaction. She shrugged and turned back to her phone. "How the hell am I supposed to know?" She muttered.

"Well, you're a g-" 2Dads began.

"Just because I'm a _girl _doesn't mean I'm privy to all of the X's secrets." She glared at the back of his head, before adopting a confused and slightly curious. "Why do you care so much?" She sat up suddenly, an idea forming in her head. "You haven't got a little... _crush_, do you?"

2Dads whirled around, spluttering. "What? No – I ... what? No!"

Bomber smirked, her job done, and 2Dads went back to watching his boss again. But apparently 2Dads wasn't finished yet.

"Typical." He muttered, shifting in his chair to get a better look at the pair. "The one person on the boat who can lip-read is the one person we want to-"

"Spy on?" Bomber supplied.

2Dads turned to her again.

"I was thinking more, uncover the mystery behind..." He waved his hands about for emphasis.

Bomber tilted her head slightly. "So in other words, spy."

He didn't reply, apparently unable to hear her as he fixed his eyes once more on X.  
>She rolled her eyes at his lack of response before standing up. "Yeah. I'm going to get a drink."<p>

/\\/\

"Phil's dying." Shaun stated, somewhat lamely.

Kate sat up, making eye contact for the first time that night Immediately he wished she hadn't. Her eyes were full of accusation and mistrust. "That's what this is about?" She hissed, eyes burning. "Shaun, I want nothing to do with him."

Shaun ploughed on. "Mum wants you to come up. Say goodbye. Work out whatever issues you had with him."

"Issues!" She demanded, gripping the table so hard her knuckles turned white.

"Calm down." He instructed.

"I'm not a child anymore Shaun, you can't make my decisions for me."

"Well then how about you stop making the wrong ones, hey?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"The Navy? Did you deliberately pick the career that would piss Dad off the most?"

She gave a wry smile that he took to mean 'pretty much', and he sighed. Getting his little sister to agree to come back with him was going to be harder than he thought.

/\\/\

Across the bar, Charge slid into the chair Bomber had vacated, following 2Dads gaze. He too frowned at the X and her companion, turning to 2Dads.

"So who's the guy she's talking to?" He asked.

Bomber, who had just returned, drink in hand, rolled her eyes and continued walking over to the rest of the crew.

"Boys!" She muttered, unable to believe that these two men outranked her.

/\\/\

"What is it?" Kate asked suddenly, breaking the silence they had fallen into.

"What's what?" He asked, genuinely confused.

She rolled her eyes in that purely _Kate_look that she had given so many times to their mother when she was a teenager. He fought back a smile.

"Phil. What's he dying of?"

"Does it matter?"

"Ooh, defensive." She sat up straighter. "Liver problems?" She guessed. Now it was his turn to look away.

"You know, liver problems can be caused by a variety of factors like viral infection, iron or copper accumulation-"

"Thanks Wikipedia. Phil drank all the time. You're actually surprised the bastard's dying?"

He wanted to yell at her, but he bit his tongue. This was for Mum. "He's our Dad." He whispered simply. It had no effect. Whatever sympathy she felt for their parents was long gone.

"He is not." She shot back, staring him down. He looked away, cursing coming here.

"Well then I guess we've got nothing more to talk about." He muttered. He stood up, intending to leave and go back to his Dad, but at her raised eyebrow he doubled back.

"You know what? No!" He started with more force than he had intended. She took a step back.

"No?" She questioned, and it angered him to see she still had a slight smile on her face. But she hadn't won yet.

"No." He repeated. "What's your problem with him?"

Kate rolled her eyes again, trying to step past him. He grabbed her wrist, stopping her in her tracks.

"Tell me. What have you got to be angry about? You left us, not the other way around!"

At this, her eyes darkened, and the smile faded. "Let me go." She ground out, staring at her arm.

"Not until you tell me why you left. What's your problem with him?"

"Let me go." She repeated, her voice low even though he was now shouting.

"Katherine-" He began, but that was the final straw. She grabbed his hand, managing to twist it backwards. He let out a shout of pain, releasing her arm.

/\\/\

The pub fell silent as the X and her companion's conversation grew louder and louder until the whole crew, not just 2Dads and Charge, were now staring at them.

Bomber slid into the chair beside 2Dads and Charge, her eyes fixed on their X and her companion.

"So," She whispered innocently. "Did you figure out who the guy was?"

"_Girls." _Charge replied cheekily.

/\\/\

"Katherine Nadine, you get back here right n-"

"Piss off, Shaun. I'm not going to see him, I don't plan on going, and I hope that bastard has the most painful death ever. Now leave me alone."

"So what, you're just running away? Aren't you a little old to be running away from _Daddy_?"

It was almost like it was in slow motion. Kate stopped, shaking with rage. Her hair was flying out of the ponytail it was in, wisps flying around her face. Her fists clenched, as she pivoted around, her fist hitting him square in the jaw. He staggered forwards, grabbing at a nearby table for support.

She froze as he turned around to face her, holding his jaw with one hand and pointing at her with the other.

"Shit, what the hell was that? You total psycho-" But she had already turned back around, flying towards the door, leaving Shaun stunned in her wake.

Across the bar, 2Dads whistled appreciatively, breaking the silence. Shaun turned to 2Dads, giving him the middle finger before storming after Kate.


	2. Chapter 2

Heya, so here's the next chapter. I hope you like. Small sections of italics are thoughts, paragraphs of italics are memories/flashbacks.

And like the last chapter it's got a bit of swearing and it'll get darker as the story progresses.

Please let me know what you think! Your opinions matter so much to me. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Made me smile. :)

And on a side note, I shall try to work on _9, 10, Start Again _tomorrow. :) 

**Chapter 2**  
><strong><br>**  
>Kate ran toward her car, worried that if she stayed any longer with her brother, she'd do something a lot more severe than just punch him. Feelings flooded through her; feelings she hadn't felt in a long, long time. Instinctively she pressed a hand to her back, half expecting to see blood on her hands when she pulled it away.<p>

_Get a grip! _She berated herself, unconsciously brushing the hand on her jeans before walking more purposefully towards her car. A shaking hand pulled her car keys out of her bag and she fumbled with the buttons, managing to unlock it just as Shaun rounded the corner. The flashing headlights as the car unlocked gave her position away, so she hurried to get in and lock the doors behind her.

"Katherine!" Shaun yelled, running towards the car. "Open the door." _He's going to get you. He's going to get you just like Phil did._

She shook her head, starting the engine up.

"Katherine!" He yelled again.

"X!" Dutchy ran out of the pub after her, Charge, Bomber and 2Dads following close behind. She could hear their voices muffled through the glass. _Just leave me alone. Go away._

"Hey, leave her alone, alright. She doesn't want to talk to you." 2Dads yelled at Shaun, catching up with him.

"How about you mind your own business?" He shoved 2Dads out of the way, pounding on the window.

"It is our business if you're upsetting our friend. X, are you okay?" Dutchy pulled Shaun away from the car.

_Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Everyone please just leave me alone. _

"Katherine!"

"X!"

She ignored them all, speeding out of the car park without a second glance.

/\\/\

She drove aimlessly for almost an hour before she finally drove home. Ignoring the flashing of her answering machine indicating she had new messages, she simply unplugged the whole phone before flopping down onto the lounge.

It had been a long day, and she was exhausted, and yet she didn't want to sleep. Not yet anyway.

Instead she pulled her iPod out of her handbag, which had been carelessly thrown on the ground next to the lounge and pressed play, not caring what was playing. She just needed a distraction from the past. But no matter what volume she turned the music to she couldn't stop the memories that flashed in front of her.

_/\\/\_

"_Shit." Kate muttered, lowering her hands to the top of the brick wall she was sitting on in an attempt to steady herself. When she had gotten her heart beat under control, she looked down to investigate. The heel of her left boot was tangled in a climbing vine growing up the wall. _

_"Okay, you can do this." She told herself, releasing one hand from the wall and slowly pulling her bag over her head before dropping it over the side to the ground. She didn't need it getting in the way. She then moved the free hand to the trapped foot, giving it an experimental shake. Nothing happened. She kicked out, harder this time and felt the vine release her foot, almost sending her tumbling off the wall. _

_Stopping yet again to allow her breathing to return to normal, she began climbing down the wall. _

_Now that was the easy part. _

_/\\/\_

"_Been somewhere?" The light flicked on as soon as she had managed to silently close her bedroom door. _

_She jumped, swearing softly. _

_"Shit, Shauny, you almost gave me a heart attack." She jumped, relaxing slightly after realising it was only Shaun and not Phil. _

_"Where have you been?" He moved closer to her. _

_"Out." She replied simply, pulling her black pointed boots off her feet and wriggling her socked feet. _

_"You smell like smoke." He stated._

_"Shauny, I'm tired. Can I just go to bed?" Kate sighed, walking into her bathroom and coming back with a face-washer, removing her smudged mascara and eyeliner. _

_"Not until you tell me where you've been!" She finished her make-up removal, turning to face him again. _

_"Why do you even care?" She demanded, rounding on him._

_"You're my baby sister, I have to look after you!"_

_"You want to help me?" She took a step closer to him, hands on hips. She didn't wait for an answer. "If you want to help me then you get Phil out of our house! And you get Mum to stop drinking herself stupid. And you get Dad to come home!"_

_He stared at her silently. What was it in his eyes? Pity. She couldn't stand that. She turned her attention to her cupboard, rummaging around for some pyjamas._

_"Yeah, well I never asked you to help anyway. So just rack off and mind your own business."_

_Shaun sighed, standing up to move towards the door._

_"Yeah, well if you won't help yourself then I'll tell Dad." Her head snapped around again, and she glared at him again._

_"He is not our Dad. Now get out of my room!" _

_"You are sixteen Katherine, you are out til all hours and if you don't stop soon you are going to get yourself killed!" Neither one of them had noticed how loud their conversation had gotten until a loud bang sounded from the other side of the room. They turned around to see the door burst open and Phil stalk into the room, his eyes flashing. He turned to the pair, glaring at them both._

_"What are you kids doing, it's a school night!" Neither one of them said anything, both frozen. _

_"Your mother has a headache and deserves some quiet in her own home at night!" He continued, advancing on Kate. _

_"Headache? Hangover more like." Kate muttered so that Phil couldn't hear, but Shaun could. He too turned to glare at her, opening his mouth to say something, but Phil beat him to it. _

_"Go to bed, please Shaun." _

_Shaun gave her a look that plainly said 'now look what you've done!' before turning and leaving the room. Kate looked down at the ground as Phil also headed for the door._

_The door shut and Kate stood up, expecting the room to be empty. She bit back a yelp when she saw Phil was still there, opening her mouth to tell him to get out. Before she could gather the words, he crossed the room, pushing her back against the wall. He reached out to grab Kate's hands, turning them over and over in his own. _

_"Now where have you been, my dear?" He whispered, his mouth next to her ear. Kate wrenched her hand back from him, ducking under his arm to stand near the wall. _  
><em>He let out a small laugh, taking a step towards her, and she backed away, unable to break eye contact. She felt his hands close around her shoulders. <em>

_"Girls like you..." He began menacingly, giving her a shake. "They don't fare well on the streets. Remember that next time you want to run away. I might just make it a permanent arrangement." And he left the room, switching the light off as he closed the door and leaving Kate quivering in the dark. _


	3. Chapter 3

Heya. So here's the next chapter. I'm sorry it's late. Real life got in the way. And I was writing another story I hope to post after I've finished one of these. Thank you so so so so so much to everyone who's reviewed it and given me feedback, it really does help.

Am going to Cairns on Monday [so excited!] so hopefully I can get some writing done there and on the plane. Don't know if I'll have internet though so am not sure if I'll be able to update. Hopefully I do though - I go crazy without this forum.

So yeah, hope you like the next chapter.

****  
><strong><br>**  
><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

When Kate woke up the next morning, she was stretched out along the lounge with a foul taste in her mouth, a pounding headache and her hair was stuck together in places from her tears. She sat up slowly, her eyes adjusting to the light. Her headphones, which she had been listening to the night before, had dislodged from her ears sometime during the night. She could still just hear the music from the headphone sitting on her shoulder. Grabbing the iPod, she turned it off, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.

Her foot connected with a glass bottle along the way, sending it skidding across the kitchen tiles. She headed towards it, picking it up to examine it. The wine bottle was almost empty, and she frowned. After her memories of her life as a teenager had infiltrated her mind, she felt she needed something to take her mind of them. Of course, it hadn't helped. _I didn't drink that much, did I?_

Apparently she had. She closed her eyes and leant up against the kitchen wall, sliding down it to reach a half sitting, half crouching position on the floor. Her phone indicated she had a message, breaking the silence, but she ignored it. It was probably Shaun anyway.

_How did my life turn out like this? I was doing well. I was getting better. And then Shaun has to show up and ruin everything._  
><em><br>_  
>Almost immediately, Phil's face flew into her head, his voice echoing.<p>

_"You're never going to amount to anything, Katherine. Girls like you are good for nothing, lazy sluts. That's all you're ever going to be good for."_  
><em><br>_  
>Her eyes snapped open, and she ran for the sink just in time to empty the meagre contents of her stomach. But the voice didn't go away.<p>

She gave an involuntary shiver, rinsing her mouth out with the rest of the bottle of wine off before dropping the empty bottle into the bin, and wishing she could throw out her problems the same way.

/\\/\

_Kate sat on the top the hill staring at the moonlight reflecting on the waves crashing below her. The wind blew her hair onto her face and she sighed, pushing it back. _  
><em>She shivered involuntarily, wrapping the jacket tighter around her. A sharp pain flew up her wrist and she flinched, moving it closer to examine the patchwork of purple and yellow bruises covering it. She frowned, looking at the result of Phil, grabbing her wrist to stop her running away during one of their arguments. It still throbbed painfully, but like so many other things he did to get on her nerves she wasn't giving him the satisfaction of knowing it hurt.<em>  
><em><br>_  
><em>Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her lighter, watching the flames flicker in the wind. Her finger reached out to touch it, moving it fast through the flame a couple of times, before pulling a sparkler out of the box next to her and touching the tip of it to the flame. It was silent for a moment, then a small whoosh and it lit, sending sparks into the night sky. Dropping the lighter, Kate stood, holding it out at arms length and spinning around so that a streak of orange and purple enclosed her in a circle. Her circle. Her safe place.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>She spun around and around as everything but her circle became one giant blur. How strange it was that this was the only time she ever felt safe, and it was while she was dancing with fire on a cliff-top. She wondered if Shaun would rather know that this was what she did when she snuck out rather than think she was smoking or doing drugs. Probably not. He was on Phil's side. He always assumed the worst in her.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>A small hiss, and then the sparkler burnt out and she was left alone and cold in the dark again, just a pathetic lonely girl with a burnt out sparkler.<br>_

_  
><em>

She pulled her headphones out of her ears as she stepped into the Naval car park just after _1335_. She had decided to get out of the house and keep herself busy – and what better way to do that then doing her job? And a walk would probably do her some good, clear her head. And so that's why she was sitting there finishing typing up a report for the latest boarding. It was mundane, and required little brain activity, good work for when you were trying to clear your head.

She had almost finished the report when the door opened and 2Dads walked in, iPod blasting away in his ears. He jumped when he saw her, fumbling to remove the earphones. He took a step back to hover in the doorway.

"Ma'am. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here." She gave a small smile, standing up and inviting him in.

"No problem. Should have come up to the bridge and told you. Just thought I'd finish this report" She nodded towards the computer and he followed her gaze, staring at the screen.

"So, why were you poking around my cabin?" Kate asked when 2Dads failed to look back up. He jerked his head up, handing her a pile of clean sheets.

"Washing. Just thought I'd drop it back."

"Thank you." She placed them on the rack. He stayed in the doorway, hovering uncomfortably.

"2Dads?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to look at him.

"Ma'am. I was wondering... are you okay? I mean, with that guy that was having a go at you-"

"I'm fine." She assured him, somewhat abrasively. He raised an eyebrow at her but didn't question her answer.

"Okay. Well, if you need a hand, let us know. You're our XO, and we're the only ones that can mess with you."

"Should I be thanking you or-"

"Take it as a compliment, X."

Despite everything going on in her life at the moment, she laughed, giving him a mock-salute.

"Will do. Thanks."

_Phil threw down the newspaper, scoffing loudly.  
><em>  
><em><br>_  
><em>"What is it Phil?" Jodie, Kate's mother, asked, moving to his side. <em>  
><em>He gestured at the newspaper lazily.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Just another report of a womanbeing injured in the defense force. Big deal. I tell you Shaun, they should have never let them join in the first place. Just another example of how you can't trust a woman to do a man's-"<em>  
><em><br>_  
><em>"That's sexist." Kate replied, not looking up from her breakfast.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>Phil spluttered, before letting out a laugh. "It's not sexist if it's true, Miss know-it-all."<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"How do you know it's true? Have you ever seen a woman in the Defence Force?"<em>  
><em><br>_  
><em>"I know what I see from reading this!"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"The Newspaper is politically censored-"<em>  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Politically censored? Get over yourself, Katherine, and leave the fighting to the men."<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Men like you? And to think I was scared of the future of this country." Kate muttered sarcastically, putting her bowl into the sink and leaving the kitchen.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>Shaun caught her in the hallway, grabbing her sore wrist. His fingers tightened around the bruises that Phil had made not 24 hours ago, but she managed to refrain from wincing.<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Why are you trying to wind him up?"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"I'm trying to wind him up? Did you hear what he was saying?"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"What does it matter? Not like you're ever going to join the Defence Force."<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>Kate gave a laugh at that thought. "That'd show him, wouldn't it? If I became Admiral or Chief of Navy or something."<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Oh, stop. Okay?"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"No, why should I have to limit my career options just because Phil's a sexist pig?"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Do you like getting yourself into trouble?"<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>"Shaun, just leave me alone, okay? You picked your side."<br>_  
><em><br>_  
><em>She pushed past him, walking down the hall and slamming her bedroom door behind her.<em>


End file.
